My plan to come of my longtime hard mental drug took an unexpected turn. Maybe I should not have been surprised, this is how I usually get taken to the hospital. This is my best recollection of the events that I could not have predicted happening on my last post.
First, before I start, I want to say that I really feel my memory (as usual) is underwhelming. I don’t have continual recollection of events, the ones that I do are mainly major, but the order sometimes cannot be guaranteed. My best memory is what I saw and my thoughts, conversations are less remembered.
I think it is important that we start at December 17th. This is the day that I was wandering very close to our house, being led and exploring a few areas.
I already mentioned that I saw the “gravestone” piece. The three balloons and such. Then I wandered to the vacant lot where I saw the 192 on the telephone pole. Thinking this lot was about me, I started exploring it. I found some abandoned plastic bottles (with the labeling removed) and I drank some of them.
My reasoning was simple. Perhaps they were meant for me. What do I have to lose here. I did vomit later, but I still think about that brown drink in the plastic water bottle, that had an unexpected peppermint flavor. I experienced changes after coming back from the voyage, like being more balanced.
The cat was biting me afterwards, and usually I would immediately put it in its cage, but there, I was just trying to get it to stop. I have no regrets about what I did there. Perhaps it was intentionally or unintentionally meant for me.
The Catalog
One of the things that I came across there, was a catalog. I think we even receive those types of catalogs, but it was for a different address.
It said “Place an order by Dec. 18th or this may be your last catalog”. It looked worn, but as I considered if the deadline had passed, I realized it was Dec 17th. It was in the future.
What did this mean?
I believed that my mom was leading me and communicating with me through the ticks. I was being led into the front grass field of a company nearby multiple times. It felt really uncomfortable, I was worried about trespassing. Why was my mother trying to lead me into Cantel’s property.
It struck me that maybe she wanted me to start working there? The job would be a factory worker. Why I asked? I perceived it was for sex.
This is not small in my life. Time after time, people have been trying to get me to have sex. It seems it is the one thing that I cannot be persuaded to do. Some tried to harm me with before its time sex. Others maybe had better motives but bad scenarios or timing.
So, I decided that the catalog meant that I had to apply for work at Cantel on Monday, or my time would run out.
I left there with that intention, but as the day progressed, I suddenly did not feel comfortable doing that. I asked her again, and she agreed that I didn’t have to do it.
The Harvest
December 18th came, a Monday. I don’t remember much about the morning, but I do remember what led up to getting arrested.
It must have been around noon time; I am at home and my mother calls me to the computer. She wants something printed, and I help her with that. She then mentions something about the Russians spying on people somehow – not sure of the details here.
I walk across the house, to the porch, or the makeshift room we have behind our house and start thinking.
I am convinced that the Russians are spying on me – but where is the bug? Before I thought it was in my bedroom.
Years ago, one morning my mother said that, at night, she heard someone running through our house and the door outside was left ajar when she found it in the morning.
She is a very good checker and can tell if a door was left unlocked overnight. I thought that maybe some operative had set up a bug in our house.
But as I stood there in the kitchen, thinking where the Russian bug was, suddenly it occurred that it could be inside my body. Well, I couldn’t do much about that. Then my thoughts went that maybe the glasses I was wearing were bugged.
I put them in the porch and decided that I would not wear them. That meant I could not drive. Okay then I would walk places.
I would be that blind man that I see occasionally walking to and from stores with a cart (not a shopping cart) to and from his house.
Suddenly, things take an urgent turn. I realize that today is the Dec 18th deadline. This adds urgency. I believe that the Russians are very close to getting to my mind. They have been watching my life through the video cameras and are near finding me and controlling my mind.
I feel that I have to get outside and start walking.
I run to my bedroom to find the proper clothing. I must not wear metal on my clothes. That rules out a belt and coat.
I have some sweatpants, but I get a few ticks that these are a bad choice. I continue searching through the dresser and the best choice that I come up with are underpants – such as one would wear in cold weather. They have an embarrassing part closed opening such as one would find in underwear.
I continue searching for something better. I am planning on spending a lot of time outside, maybe live away from the house, so finding something better would be really important. I cannot with the urgency and feeling that I am running out of time before the Russians start controlling my mind, I run outside with a sweater and the underpants.
I checked the temperature that day was around 44F. I didn’t feel it.
Once outside, my dad is starting to yell at me to come back home. I won’t. Trying to find which direction to go, it seems as if all four options are wrong. I decided on one and start walking.
As I think about this, walking in underpants, with people driving by you is embarrassing to say the least. But it would be nothing to what would come.
My plan is to wonder the streets. Live on my own. As I walk don’t the street it is leading to a harvested corn field on one side and a harvested soy field on another.
My father pulls up by me and starts yelling at me to get in the car. “Maybe he will give up” I think. He does not. He gets out of the car and runs after me. I can outrun him, so he get back in the car and drives again and start yelling at me.
This repeats for two or three times until, I know that I have to get out of this situation with him.
Beside me is a harvested corn field. It is slightly muddy. I feel I have no choice but to trespass and run there. I turn and run away from this man into the corn field. As I am running, I see him turn around and head back home.
Exactly what I needed. Now I know I have a few minutes before he calls the cops, and they will come here.
My plan is to run into a wooded area past the corn field and hide there from the cops. Maybe until darkness and then head out somewhere else. Above all else I wanted to not get taken by the cops.
I am running through the corn field, grateful that I am not sinking in mud, but my shoes are probably ruined. It is taking longer that I want to get to the woods. I am still visible from the street.
I distinctly remember that my mother was crying through me. I couldn’t understand why.
Somewhere halfway through the field, I decide that, either the Russians are still tracking me through my clothes, or for some other reason, I completely take all of my clothes off and continue to run.
Simple logic means that you can’t survive long in winter weather without clothes. I don’t feel cold.
I think this is the point that my mother left me. The ticks would come again, but it was not the same anymore.
Suddenly, I hear a bird make a sound. It must be crows, and I see one flying in a direction and make four sounds. I remembered the code that I had created with the “hand massagers/workers”. But what did four mean – it was so long ago. I correctly remembered that it was the signal for sex.
So the bird was telling me to turn 90 degrees and run for sex. That direction led to the only houses around the area.
I was already under duress trying to get away from the cops, but to find a way to have sex was doubling the duress. I decided that I would be passive with the people in those few houses. I would start a conversation if they greeted me.
Why did I need sex? Was it to get rid of the Russian tracking and influencing me? Or was it a way to get away from the cops?
Not sure, I turned around and ran into the direction of the houses.
I ran into the area and find a wooded area with bushes and decide that I am going to hide there. Pushing my way through the brush, I find that I have to push through and break branches. But finally, I am in the brush and decide that I will hide there, escaping the imminent police presence.
Suddenly, I hear a dog barking – the dog has found me. The owner steps outside and grabs it by the collar and is pushing it back somewhere. Strangely this is taking him a long time.
I get a tick on my throat, indicating that I should say something. I say something, but the man ignores me.
With this I realize that I must find another hiding spot.
I run away. This time across the neighborhood (only a few houses). I have seen a garbage truck pass along the same road that I was on.
I believed, through this time (and I think correctly) that I was in my second world. I have very likely killed myself in the previous world, but instead of life ending – it continued with me thinking that I survived. What I would later think, is that when I died, the garbage truck killed me, I fell into one atom in my corpse body. In that atom a universe was created or was already there and my life continued.
If the person somehow when dies falls into himself and life continues, it would be important that the body be persevered. Not surprisingly, people are “preserved” in coffins in peace.
So, here I am praying to God to get me out of this hell, and into the first universe. Even death would be okay to accomplish that.
So, seeing the garbage truck pass, I decide that I need to get on the other side of the street. This symbolically would mean crossing my suicide world.
I run naked into the street. Cars are occasionally passing me. I am not ashamed. I kneel to pray for direction and out of this hell.
Ever asking for direction, I say one mean go straight, this is on the same road that I left my father. I am heading away from the house. Two means right, into another farm field and maybe better hiding spots.
The bird makes three sounds. “What!?” go back the way I came from. But the cops are going to be coming from there!
The birds make another sound confirming the direction. So I walk back.
Within a minute, I am met by at least two or three cop cars. I don’t remember the initial conversation. A 30is, thin, slight smaller than me men come out of the first car.
After a few words, he asks me turn around and kneel down. I turn around and he puts handcuffs on me. He leads me to his car, right into the view of a female police office looking at me, a full frontal, and puts me in his cruiser.
They ask me my name, birthdate. I tell them that I don’t feel safe living with my parents. I feel relieved once in the cop car.
They tell me that an ambulance will be coming to take me to the hospital. This takes a while.
I am offered a coat, my own, my parents must have brought it to the spot. I refuse it. The police officer says that at the very least the ambulance will have a blanket and I must take that. I agree.
Once the ambulance arrives, I am put in a stretcher, covered and the drive starts.
The nice gentleman attending me, a man 40-50, slightly overweight, white, asks me if he can check my glucose level. I ask if I can refuse.
“I think they have you on a mental hygiene arrest, you have to take it here or in the hospital.”
With that, I consent.
“It is 140, nothing abnormal, maybe you had a meal before this.”
The ambulance ride is unexpectedly long. The cop is following the ambulance all the way.
With my head getting tired from looking at the man and outside the back of the ambulance, I put it back and eventually close my eyes.
What I saw, was something that I have never seen before, in clarity and brightness. This was a new type of vision.
I saw a face of a reptilian humanoid looking to the side. The face was small, beautiful and glowing with golden radiation or light.
Then there was a golden circle, like the sun, but it clearly was not the sun, it wasn’t that intense. Then I saw a big eye and that was it.
They get me to the hospital, and I am wheeled to an area. Some female worker gives me a gown and ties it in the back, and I am left on a stretcher.
I am sure this was not a psych ward. Must of have been some medical area. Beside me is an array of computer with medical people coming and going to use them. Then there is an alarm that keeps going off constantly, blaring into my ears.
I decide the reason that alarms in hospitals increase in volume when the situation is more dire – it will drown out the patient noises.
I am feeling pretty good here. Thinking I have made it, my thoughts are positive, and I think of the past.
My dad comes over and starts talking to me. I don’t want to talk to him.
“This would not have happened if you listened to me” he says. “I am fine” I respond. He leaves.
I got into the hospital early in the afternoon. As time passes, some nurses come around to take blood samples and an EKG.
“So what god you in here”, two young nurses ask me while doing something for me. “It’s not PG” I respond.
Another nurse asks me the same thing, older. “What do you know?” I ask. “Something about a corn field”. I can’t really help her here. It is too embarrassing to talk about.
Time passes on. I expect a psychiatrist to come around and talk to me. Time passes by 4pm and I realize that there will probably be no psych interview. I am glad. 5pm comes and goes and now I am sure of this.
I expect a meal, but 6pm comes and goes. Maybe I had my eyes closed when the meal was being passed around and they thought I was sleeping and left me.
8pm, then 10 pm. At around that or 11pm suddenly I am taken to a different part of the hospital.
Four or so security people give me a top and pants and open the bathroom and let me change. I do and walk out.
Then they take a metal detector and scan my body. “Wow”, I think, I just changed into their clothes from a hospital gown – and they are scanning me?
The person is waving the metal detector across my back, and on the right top side, it is going off.
“Did you have any surgery?” He asks.
“No, not there” I respond.
“Darn I knew I had a bug inside me”. Somebody must have placed it there.
Someone tells him to move it slower, he does, and it is not going much off more. Feeling content that it was a metal detector scanning issue, they let me go.
The lady opens a door to a room and says to sit there. “The doctor is really busy with patients but will be with you soon.”
I find the only furniture in the room is a sofa, so I sit there and wait.
I start to think about this bug inside of me. What is its purpose?
A voice, a familiar one, lets call her Carny, says “This is going to cause them problems”.
I start thinking about a bug that was put in a person, this one was in the Matrix. The lead actor got caught by the bad guys and interviewing him, they put a metal type of spider machine into him.
His helpers later pulled it out with a special machine in a car.
As I sit there in the room, I have an ominous feeling that this is leading to sex/rape. I really don’t feel like having sex – I am tired and drained and really want to avoid it at all costs.
Here’s the things. The situation that I am in, I believe, I perceived happening in the future in workplaces. I even gave it a name: Zelle.
I would see art rooms with cushion sit downs, just enough for someone to lie down on. Or sofa like seating, newly placed in work areas.
I expected that workplace sanctioned sex would come sometime in the future. I wanted to avoid this as well. But I also learned that avoiding could be life-threatening.
So, as I sat there, I knew that I had to throw my best tactics to come out of this without rape. “They want something from you (rape) so give them secrets to buy time” I reasoned with myself.
I started to talk inside the room. There was a video camera to the right of me. I knew they would be listening.
I don’t remember everything I said, but one thing I was talking about, was thing universe inside an atom. I had died and went inside one atom inside my dead body and was living there. I had to make another jump once more. That is die twice. That is go inside another atom into a third universe.
You see, if you read Revelations, people there at the end of the world, die twice. Once when Christ comes back, and they are killed. They go to hell (I believe fourth dimension, center of earth) Then they are resurrected and judged and die another time and are put in their eternal destination in the lake of fire.
The Antichrist and the false prophet do not suffer the same fate. Once they lose in Armageddon, they are immediately taken to the Lake of Fire.
Why not the two deaths and judgement? Is it because the Antichrist already died twice?
I keep talking. I say I don’t want to have sex.
Taking my best tactic that I have, as I look at the scene in Matrix with the bug in him being extracted, I flip the image around in my mind. To see what is behind.
First, it doesn’t seem like anything new. I see black area with a shiny metal piece. “Hmmm, I didn’t expect my body to be black. Is it me decomposing? But that shiny bullet shaped piece must be the bug.”
As I thought about this, suddenly I believed that this image also represented my location – where I was.
That bullet may be a submarine and the dark area around it, very deep waters where the sunlight does not penetrate.
“But wait, why is the submarine silver or even shiny? Submarines are usually dark, colored on the outside.
Then it occurred to me.
This could be spaceship. The Navy has a secret space program where they have about a dozen kilometer or so long spaceships that are silver, shiny on the outside. They reason I thought was to reflect the very hot sun rays that would be present in the solar system.
I started talking about this out loud.
Was I somehow transported into a spaceship and I was currently in space?
But if the image was to be followed, why was the area surrounding it all black? There should be stars around it, they are everywhere in space.
Unless it was inside the inner earth, like in a petroleum field deep underground.
Spaceships can travel into the earth; I think by the fourth dimension.
That may be the best explanation, that the spaceship was in the inner earth. With this setup, the spaceship might not have to generate gravity like in space but use the Earth’s.
I was feeling really bad initially, something was not feeling right in the room.
Still, trying to save myself, I wanted to test my flipping technique on a TV. But there was no TV in the room.
But there were a couple of windows into a hall outside. I decided to flip it.
I saw on the other side, a box like duct, like a trapezoid. Not sure of what to make of it. But then later I saw a reptilian standing outside the window – in my mind.
During this time, Carny was telling me, “You lost the ship!”
I thought the Reptilian humanoid, who may have been positive, looking to one side and just watching the ship self-destruct in amazement.
Carny continued: “Gohn! Gohn!” (“Race! Race!”) I thought the ship was racing as fast as it could to get back to base. It apparently stops at a planet then there is more racing.
I start to feel really good about this time. There is something going on with the room. I call it phasing. It seems as if there are Zebra patters of energy in the walls. The dark ones, the hell before and the light ones fell like they are a breath of fresh air.
“I don’t know what happened, but it felt like hell before, and it now feels like heaven” I saw out loud alone in the room.
The room felt like I was in what I call a spiritual machine. Or a consciousness machine. Spaceships are said to be conscious.
It felt really good, like I spiritually see things better.
Was this being generated by the spaceship? But l later thought that maybe the spaceship went up a dimension or two, like from our 3rd into 4th or 5th. At one point my flipping would not work. I now think that at a higher dimension, probably like the 5th it does not.
This would also explain me feeling really good there. Must be how it feels to be in the 5th dimension. By the way, I guess the Lake of Fire is in the 5th dimension inner earth, and the Bible’s heaven – on the surface of it. The final destination in Revelation for humanity.
So going back to what the nurses were asking me earlier – what got me in this situation, I decided to tell them out loud in the room.
As I recounted the story, in the corn field, and got to the point when the crows were leading me to sex, the intercom made a sound. But there was no voice.
This was a signal that I should stop talking about this. So, I stopped. Sometime later I could not stop and started again. This time a woman walks in and says something. So, believing it is a signal again I stop. Later, too tempted to speak and start again.
This time a man walks through the hall, turning his head side to side. I stop and this time for good. I start pacing the room in a circle like twenty times and then sit down on the ground leaning against the wall facing the sofa.
It takes some time before I am feeling better.
I thought I had a track of time in this place. But there was no windows anywhere on this small unit. There was bout 4-5 rooms and an office space that had a clock. But I never paid attention to it.
It felt like I spent 3-5 days there. There were probably like 3-4 meals served there. I slept on the sofa that was a little too small for me. Obviously whenever I thought it was night.
There were medical personnel that came and talked to me asking me questions. What happened that led up to this. Was I hearing voices? I eventually said yes.
Finally, a woman medical personnel tells me in the hallway that they are sending me to another hospital with a psych ward. This would be my third time there.
The voices are telling me during this time that I am running out of time to do the deed. But then another voice says that I cannot do it here, because there is a wall.
As, I lay there for another night, I start working on the numbers. The room next to mines is 66. I am in 65. I do something that I have never done before. I try to attach letters to the numbers.
For some reason, maybe a mistake, I assign the letters SN to my room. 6 does not equal S but N does equal 5.
Thinking I am the antichrist, SN can have three meaning. The mark of the beast has the beast number as the prefix and the person’s number added to it.
SN could mean my social security number (the prefix) and could also mean the serial number – the person’s own number. Another meaning of SN could me a submarine title. I believed that I was in this room, a hell room setup for me by the Navy (the rare white hats in America, the true defenders of the same to change the future, make it fail for me). Since they were positive, they were obviously trying to prevent the negative antichrist from succeeding.
I went further, but before this, I have something to say about 66. Before my suicide attempt, the SDA preacher was teaching that the people in hell are annihilated. He pointed to a verse that I remembered was the last verse of Isaiah. It talked about the smoke rising from hell, and he said where there is smoke, the fire has consumed everything. Meaning annihilation.
I don’t remember the bible verses numbers, but the last verse in Isaiah was easy to memorize the location. I cannot find the same verse there today; a similar verse is in the middle of the same book.
Finally, as I thought about 66 and 65, it occurred to me that there was the 666 there. Further I thought that 6 equals X so, the room beside me was XX and mines was XN. Male and female came to mind.
Further 666 also equals XXX, something that is found in porn sites. Here there was a wall separating it. Something that the voice earlier told me was preventing the deed.
That night, I believed that the spaceship was trying to make it back into base. I was seeing things in darkness like aliens controlling it. Trying to save it, something that I was hoping would not happen. The end of the spaceship would come in an instant.
Old Hospital
I am moved to another hospital with a psych ward. When I arrive there, I am stunned to learn that it is Dec. 19th. I only spent one night in the previous one.
Throughout this time, I started to think that the events in the corn field were my harvest. Very, very rare but a harvest is when the person is raises his wavelengths level up enough that they can move into the next dimension, in our case 4th. Fourth dimension creatures are invisible to 3rd ones, unless they make the effort to lower their vibrations.
Here’s the other thing. Dec 18th was the last day on the catalog. The next day is 12/19/2023. I see two significant numbers here: 219 (K,AI) and 192 (AIK). Very significant. Not sure what to make of this. But maybe I could not make it on my own in this day, so I had to be taken, or just a guess this was a negative harvest day for me. Not really sure even now.
So they take me to a room in a psych ward. A nice and beautiful Spanish lady is asking some first questions of me there. Toward the end, I close my eyes briefly. There is some love transferred to my body. Okay, not so bad.
I have a roommate, he must come briefly later in.
I am still thinking that the Europeans are trying to prevent me from succeeding. (I believed they were behind the “campaign to reach me” where whoever it was, was trying to get me have sex and be killed – check my bio).
Even in the fourth dimension, they were making efforts to hurt me.
“The Last of the Last” a voice came through me. I thought that I was the last negative person to be harvested from Earth. Much effort, cost, was paid to have me harvested. So much, world events were moved around me. Earth was probably in chaos right now, that as soon as I was gone, drastic measures were taken, like wars, plaques to control humanity. I would return to 3D later.
I started crying.
But just like in Christ’s time, Israelites did not accept Christ, they crucified him. They believed they were saving their state. However, briefly afterwards they tragically lost it.
Delusions, seem to start affecting me. I felt that I needed to keep my eyes closed, always. This would be for the better. So I started walking around with my eyes closed in my room, feeling the walls. I then later stopped talking.
The treatment team walked in and saw me. They later gave me two injections, which last about 40 hours. The real solution was they moved me to another room. I was fine there. There was something with that room, maybe because it was not private.
The Stay
So beings my stay in this hospital. There would be morning breakfast, two morning group sessions, lunch, two more groups and dinner and then wrap up at 8pm with snack.
I knew going to groups was a good ticket to get out. So particularly toward the end, I made strong effort to attend.
I was not eating properly when I got in. Half a meal would be left, sometimes the entire one. It seemed as if people or voices would signal to me to stop eating so I would.
Since there was little way to eat in between meals, I would experience an energy drop hours before the next meal and it was bad. I almost felt as it I was coming close to them giving me IV to make it. But that never happened. Seeing the consequences, I later made every effort to finish my meal despite the signals. The medication probably helped. I never really had an appetite, just an energy drop, weakness, hands shaking, that was my appetite.
As times moved on, my mom, dad, and brother would visit me.
I don’t have a good recollection of what happened some days, just a memory of some key details.
Upside Down
One evening I am in the dining room watching a movie with a few people, a young woman walks in from the open hall. Not sure what she is doing, and it is not her first time there, but it suddenly dawns on me. Here is a young, beautiful woman, in blue, khaki, pajamas type of clothing. She is obviously getting ready to go to bed. She is wandering around my area. When was I in a similar situation? Almost never in my life.
Here in this unit, there were males and female on the same ward. It occurred to me that this is valuable.
Also, there were constant checks on each patient in the ward. Usually woman techs, would look into your room to see it you were okay – not trying to harm yourself. This meant them looking at you laying in bed. Answering that you were okay if you were in a bathroom or even naked in a shower.
This I kind of disliked, but there was no escaping it.
As I sat there watching a movie, I closed my eyes for some reason. I saw, probably what was the fourth dimension, as usual.
This time I was able to move through it, which was unusual for me. As I moved through it, I did something I had never done before, I flipped the scene upside down.
Now it seems as things were darker, there was a new horizon, I was traveling through arches, and suddenly a hand indicates to turn east. I do and travel some more. I expect that I am going to go over the cliff. Even if it is into the deep end, I decide that I am going to proceed. I travel over the cliff and fall about 10 ft and land safely. I see some long grass growing. I want to go back to where I came from and think about moving back up, but I cannot.
Something very unusual happens when I attempt to move back up. I see something like a pole, with like avocado shapes suddenly appear. There are multiple layers of these shapes on the pole appear, maybe four.
I knew that this was some mathematical object. The pole was silver colored as were the connected shapes around it. There was maybe one turn of shapes connected to it, then below it was another turn, maybe 4-5 levels of turns. They shapes were not necessarily the same.
Seeing that I could not escape it, I took time to look around the scene. There were like wheat style grass growing there. Nothing was happening. So I decided to study the tall grass there and touched one of them. That it when things started to change. Not sure of the details, maybe saw my familiar spiritual guide there. I left there eventually.
I had the belief that I fell into a woman somewhere on the ward. As I opened my eyes, if I went straight and made a right turn, there was one woman sitting in that vicinity. She was white, maybe in her 50s. However, I could not be sure, I felt it could be anyone on the ward. I believed that it would eventually be clear who it was.
The State
I decided to not wear glasses while hospitalized. I could get by without them, mostly okay. It was the movies which were a little hard to see without them.
God also encouraged me not to shave since Dec 18, and I have not shaven since then, almost three weeks, so I have a beard now.
There was a patient, she seemed young, maybe early twenties, short, white, thin and as I would usually pace the halls I would pass by her room.
“Hi friend” she would say to me each time we met. I would respond. Her face reminded to me the face of a woman friend that I had in the Russian church in Texas. I sometimes wondered if we had twin souls. Her body was much smaller than the woman that I knew.
I stopped and asked her name once. She seemed nice. Thought under the effects of strong medication that she was taking.
One time she told me that she was proud of me. I wondered if that was the Russian friend talking through her.
As I was worrying later, she said “you’ll be fine”. She would be discharged before me.
I was still struggling with believing that I was in the fourth dimension and trying to make sense of it all.
The Soul
As I decided to voluntarily take the drug, though now at a higher dosage (because I told them I heard voices), the light and golden radiance started to return.
One evening, alone in my room, as the massagers were working on my abdomen, I saw what seemed like a golden light flowing from my female sexual organ outside of me.
“Why are you doing this” I asked of the works? It seemed as if I got a reply is that they are collecting energy from my soul to use for their purposes. This has been the case for long. “What do I get as a benefit from this?”
Something happened that I did not anticipate. They put a label on my forehead. I was familiar with this, in hell, the prisoners have labels one why they are in hell, I think on their foreheads.
I did not want to read mines, but later I was shown it was 666.
The golden light, in my sexual organs has not returned since.
But this is not bad. You see, if we go back to Nov 17th, the ashes that I was trying to clean up, they generated strong dark energy.
Maybe that was the point, negatives need dark energy, at least for cover, this, for lack of a better term, hell inscription keeps me dark and away from the golden light. Maybe for negatives it is important and for their people.
I felt like the strong effects of the same drug, now at a higher dose, and brand name (not generic which is weaker) were controlled by the workers much better to less affect me with this new change. I looked to it as one profitable thing about this hospitalization.
Time after time, one nurse asked are you taking your medication? Another checked if I was swallowing my meds. Clearly expected a change, that never fully happened. Although there changes like, eating better, maybe sleeping longer and less extreme thoughts. But the golden light for some reason was being controlled.
The Night
One night I kept thinking on who it was that I had fallen into. Maybe it was someone at the nurses station. I decided to talk with imaginative texts to this woman one night.
I texted to her my name and location. She replied “Sam” which means alone in Ukrainian and the later “Alone”. Later it struck me that who ever that I was texting, knew Ukrainian. Was she saying she was alone or asking if I was alone? “Sam” in Ukrainian can mean two things. If you are a man you say I am “sam” or alone. Or if you are a woman, “sam” is a question if you are alone to a man.
Thinking she would come, I spent much time, but it did not happen.
Other things did.
The workers were asking me if I would consent to some sex from a distance. I agreed. Laying face up, I was experiencing sex as a male to a woman. It was slow but sustained. In essence it was a slow, continuous orgasm, with what I believed another woman out there on earth.
I asked the workers or anyone to tell me who, they did not.
Finally, the vessel seemed to be drained and pain started to be felt. This was the conclusion of this experience.
Then a voice spoke through me. “Levi is having problems tonight”. The first name that was given, may have been of someone I knew in Texas. His wife I visited on numerous occasions as she was the only in-law (not mines) that I had there. Still, this is a good guess but is not definitive.
Just recently, my brother came back from a family get together, and she boasted that she saved my life once on one of my balloon releases and captures that I had put together in Texas with a large group. I turned purple that hot day, but I thought it was because of the lack of oxygen and me not being fit.
The workers asked me, or I initiated the next experience. This one I turned facing down. This would be another experience where I would be a male and on top of a female.
Who was it? I got the answer that it was Tamara. This was a never married, near senior woman in the Russian church.
We had a connection there. Once she said that she was going to the doctor because she had difficulty taking a full breath. I thought to myself, I have the same problem, but it NEVER occurred to me to go to the doctor for that.
However, as I documented earlier, when I confessed and had a seer have a vision about me, she said afterwards that she was able to breathe better. There was some sort of influential connection there.
As I attempt to have sex in this psych ward, alone, I am going through some difficulties, some shaking nothing unusual. However, the rounds person comes by, a woman, and says, “You are okay” – not a question because she leaves immediately.
Maybe this was not so secret what I was doing.
My attempt fails. Because I see a spirit protecting her. I conclude that it is the Holy Spirit. I also conclude that it was the Holy Spirit that was giving me hints on who I was touching out to that night. (The two identification or clues).
But I don’t consider it a failure. I perceive that it will go away soon. I just know that the protection may be lifted past midnight.
So I go to get water, later and see that it is now 12:08am (something like that). Getting back to my room I try again, and this time there is no problem.
After the climax, I experience something that I did not experience before in other unions. I feel like I was really pent up with sexuality, and after the top, sanity or a letdown occurred. “This is your first one” a voice says.
The Lizard
A tall, thin, white, 30ish, young woman, I have been seeing around greets me in the Library. “I don’t think we met, I am Liz”. “I am Alex” I respond. Not sure what we talk about afterwards if anything at all, but I try to remember her name as: “Thin as a Lizard”.
I see her around. She seems to talk a lot and have lunch with a African-American, a little short, good body build, male, name that I rather not try to recall.
He says that he had zero friend outside the hospital, but his smooth talking and good manners, make me think that he must be lying.
As I think about Liz, I recall me being in my room with her talking outside in the hallway. This happened at least twice. Once she actually said something like “Have sex” to the person she was talking out loud. This startled me. How could she say that.
Once, when I was thinking who it could be that I fell into during that movie, she seemed to respond, “it is me”.
A third African-American seemed to be in the picture. He was unwanted by me and her. He seemed dangerous. On multiple occasions I was bracing for a punch. He never hurt me. But he seemed to be following other ladies, maybe Liz and asking. As I recall she said nothing.
I thought to myself that that dangerous man, was bad for her, but the smooth-talking gentleman I would be more agreeable with.
One night, I am pacing the hallway, and I see Liz outside the smooth-talking gentleman’s room asking, “You want to do it now?”
This gentleman would soon be discharged and be free.
Liz would a few nights later wake up in the middle of the night, slobbering over the pillow. Later go through a rollercoaster of emotions.
Some time later, during a talk in the dining room, someone mentions that Liz is now a widow. I am stunned and realize there was more that that relationship than I thought. Was the gentleman now dead?
Throughout this time, the voices deceive me that I will have sex on the unit. “This is prohibited here” I tell them. There are checks like every 15 mins, where someone will be looking in your room. “What if I get caught? What happens then?”
The last night, I start to realize that hidden in the background must be matchmaking operation, setup by the hospital.
“I don’t want Liz, I would rather die without sex in the hospital than with sex and outside.” I feel she is killing her lovers.
That last night, something unusual happens. I have been moved to a new suite where I am alone but sharing a bathroom with the dangerous man.
A nurse comes into my room and says please stay inside. I have removed my soft doors from the frame that they attach to block the window next to my bed. Otherwise, it is wide open for the night. I have found problems with the wide-open window at night.
So, I see clearly as about 5 beefy security guards walk into that young man’s room and do something. At one point, a security person backs into my room and attempts to turn the light switch, but quickly leaves. Then they all leave without any commotion or reason.
I start to wander if they chained him to his room.
The Last Day
I am supposed to leave today. I am told there is a dog-therapy session starting. I decide to attend. I take a seat at a circle of chairs.
The dog comes around to people but does not want to interact with me. Neither do I with it.
He does something that is strange for him. He lays down and spreads his legs.
Then stranger things occur. One of the female patients lies next to him facing him and starts rubbing him and slowly moving closer and closer. Then another female patient lays next to him and starts rubbing him from behind. Her hand is basically touching his genital.
I feel on the verge of being aroused. And tell my self that if that is the case, I will walk out of the group. The nurse kicks the patient that was doing that, and it stops.
Liz walks in, lies down and starts also petting the dog. As she is repositioning herself, her foot briefly touches mine, and I feel a brief orgasmic feeling with the connection.
The group ends and with not bigger developments.
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