While I have mentioned various improvements over time, generally this has not been enough.
I remember one day early in May, as I sat outside with my laptop trying to work on a new project. Despite wanting to work on it, I could not start it. My soul/guts just were just too weak and hurt and could not handle something that I routinely was able to do years ago.
I was suffering inside and the workers were almost idle.
I had tried to help them in their work many times. Trying to give them any permissions over me, like my soul or heart. These didn’t seem to last as it seemed they were just mental permissions.
So I decided to do something more tangible. I got out a piece of paper and wrote down the permissions. I tried to write them in English, but this was for some reason uncomfortable. So, I started with Ukrainian/Russian.
I wrote one out, signed it and then left the piece of paper. Went to do some stuff and had another idea and wrote it down. This went for a few iterations until I had enough of what I wanted. Each time I signed it and dated it with hour and minutes and time zone.
Here is my translation of the permissions:
“To the hand workers I allow you to work on me fixing my soul, from now. I give all permissions to fix my soul.” Signed 5/8/2023 2:07 pm
Wanted the healing to be more broader to me I made this next statement.
“Addition: Allow all permissions to fix me.” Signed 5/8/2023 2:26 pm
“Addition: However you desire, allow to improve my mind.” Signed 5/8/2023 4:01 pm
“Previous is corrected: Allow to improve my mind.” Signed 5/8/2023 4:19 pm
I was tempted to add something more but, I was simply too scared to do anything else. Felt these were serious and wanted something I was sure I could live with down the line.
I made no exit condition out of these, so I think these are indefinite.
That day, I felt healing begin on my body, so I decided that this note was working.
I went about my life, thinking on the note. Not sure if the changes started soon after that, they may have, but they were sure happening after the next major life changing event.
I was able to start working on the project sometime later in the month, but with no skill on it, and running in circles for a while, I gave it up.
Victory
If you read my blog, you know that I am a heavy news follower. I find reading news fun.
Well, what was in the news in May, was a looming fight over the debt ceiling. President Biden wanted the debt ceiling raised without strings attached. McCarthy, the Speaker of the House, was pushing for all kinds of reductions on the budget, many which were a non-starter with Biden.
It seemed that the Republicans were willing to let America default unless the Democrats acquiesced to their demands. “What could compel them to compromise”, I thought – it seemed as if nothing could.
They were talking about saving America from a future default over unpayable debt, but to get their way they were willing to create it way sooner.
The Day
I was still suffering later into the month and until this day. I am not totally sure which one it was. Best analysis is that it was May 23rd (+/- 1 day).
It was daytime, maybe the afternoon, and I laid down on my bed. I generally lay down if I run out of energy or things to do.
As I was laying, I was feeling very bad. Something was happening in my chest. This was a desert, a severe desert, I was telling myself. On occasions like this, the workers encouraged me of better days coming. But now this was of no value. I needed something to help me in this moment. The desert seemed especially strong now.
There appeared no end to this desert and it was very hard to stand. I tried to find some relief. Asking for relief did not help.
As this moment continued, for some reason thoughts started to come into my mind of what if this could lead to death. Could a severe desert be life threatening? As I was thinking on this thought, the unexpected happened.
Life broke through. This is the best way of describing this. It was as if air, or water poured into the parched ground of my chest. This was relief that I was looking for.
“You have been won” God told me.
I would start to feel small changes happen to me over the next few days, improvements and clearings. Wondering if this would be the “fast changes” that I have written about previously that only last a few days, but this would continue and continue.
I tried to find an explanation of what happened to me. First, I will start with an analogue and then more.
It seemed as if at that moment, a dam broke. And it continued to break apart slowly over the coming days bringing life and nourishment to the parched valley that I was in. This was unprecedented and the clearings are still happening, a few weeks away.
The Battle
But what was the victory in that moment I kept thinking? What was preventing the life from coming through? Was it my heart, soul or an entity? First I thought it was my heart, since this is where the drought was. Maybe. My soul fighting back against the workers? Maybe. An enemy? This last option still seems like the best explanation.
Remember my last post on Biden, where I am claiming that I am responsible for his comeback? I was happy about this. But what I now realize is that if I am being seen in Biden, his battles are mines. His life and death is also mines.
The negotiation with McCarthy was happening on that day when life broke through.
Was the oppression coming from McCarthy? Did I overcome him?
My browsing history shows one article titled “Biden Has No Good Options in Debt-Ceiling Fight” on May 23rd. Later on, there would be negotiation breakdowns. There would be three of these, but McCarthy thankfully with Biden would be able to solve these impasses.
A deal would be reached that would be a pretty good compromise for Biden. But it was not without risks and the danger was real.
Further
Sometime after the former president Trump was indicted, I came across a reply by a person to a tweet on Trump’s indictment (this was now in June). Basically, a nobody just simply stated this: “The dam is starting to break”. A real dam had broken in Ukraine, likely intentionally, in June, but another dam was breaking for the Republican party.
“But when cracks appear in walls, they make other cracks more likely” stated another article in June, referring to Trump’s indictment. Do they all lead to the same source?
My condition
I am no longer high and dry. However, I still have energy exhaustion and lay down, occasionally. Hopefully this goes away soon.
Weight
Kept a log of my weights for the past few years, and I am gaining weight for no apparent reason. I never had diets. I always eat and drink what I want to. Before I started the mental drug, I was at a normal weight. Not long after starting it, I went to 240 pounds. There was a benefit though. I really started feeling better mentally. It was a tremendous mental change for the better. My mental health and weight went down a bit when the brand name medication went to generic, and I was forced on it.
When I lost my job and didn’t have medical insurance, I decided to pay out of pocket and went to Costco. I slowly started to lose weight and mental health suffered. (More on this in my bio – the first five posts).
I went back to CVS and felt much better.
For reasons that are unclear to me, I started to lose wieght on the CVS medication later on. I always eat what I want so I don’t know why, except that maybe I was getting sicker. My mental health was not improving.
I started getting my medication from Walgreens at some point and still do today. Now believe that CVS carries the same medication that I was getting from Costco.
I don’t think it was due to the Walgreens medication, because there was a five month delay, but slowly I started to gain weight.
With the Costco manufacturer my weight crashed to 207 pounds. I was in the deep ocean at this time, feeling horrible – it was unsustainable. Once back unto the CVS one it went up to 230 and after I was fired it started to drop to 205. Then it started to go up and is still going up today. Today I am at 233.
My mental health is improving. I am able to spend more time on the computer, shopping and some disabilities are going away.
While being obese is not fun, the bright side is that I am becoming more of the person that I was when I was around 240, working at work, living on my own and being active.
Switching medications may lead to weight loss but I don’t want to take the mental health risk just yet.
I was not healthy enough to have blood work and go to a physical for the last three years – mentally – so I put it off. I finally felt well enough to go through with both last month. No diabetes yet which is the risk with this medication. Otherwise, I am doing well.
Eternity
I had a discussion with my father a few days ago. He is a very good Christian. He asked me why I am not going to church (which he is). I explained to him that I am no longer afraid of being lost or unsaved. Went over some of the teachings which I learned over the past few months – a few books that I read. I told him that the teaching of Christianity that you have only one life and have to gain perfection is not really true since other writings state that a being needs many lives to return to the Creator (hundreds at least and probably millions of years). He told me that I was going to hell.
I told him that I could not discount hell – the Christian version of it. But I really did not believe that a being would be there for all eternity. Couldn’t he be fixed? There was evidence of this in some writings. For example, in the Ra material he was saying that people who perished in a nuclear core explosion instantly – not after the radiation exposure – were messed up spiritually and could not progress further. But since the Creator needs beings to progress – the Confederation (group of positive extraterrestrials – humans like us but more advanced) will start working on getting them fixed spiritually. I told him, here is a case of beings being fixed – so the people in hell should be able to be fixed and returned to living again.
Further, I told him that all the versions of hell that I read, there were only people there from the past 6000 years. But, I know that Earth has had civilization going back millions of years. Why are not some of their inhabitants in hell? But there is no mention of this.
The conversation had an effect on me. I could not discount the Christian version of hell.
These are questions that I had, but I realized that these can be answered and that you could still be in either heaven or hell for eternity.
So, I started doing research on this and came across Emanuel Swedenborg. I have just read three webpages on him. He wrote so, so much. He was able to visit the spiritual world, heaven and hell and talk with Jesus. Here are some of the beliefs he has.
First and probably most important, is that he really does not believe in reincarnation. This was a big one for me. He basically believes in a physical life and then an eternity afterward, increasing in the path we took in our lives. And I just may be able to accept this view.
He explains reincarnation as a person having a memory of a previous life – but that they were not actually there.
My analysis is that the previous lives remain distinct beings, the difference is the latter ones have a memory or development from the previous. It seems that this can be explained that they are part of one big spirit that is consistent across all of their incarnations.
This theory can reconcile the Ra material with its many incarnations per spirit over a long period of time and the Christian view that we only have one life to live and then reaping the fruit from it for all eternity.
What I like about Swedenborg, is that he states that the person chooses where he likes best in eternity – whether that be heaven or hell. Persons that lived a life of service-to-self, in the afterlife go to hell-like conditions. It is fairly consistent about hell stories is that people in hell are without God. Service-to-self is thinking of yourself and thinking about how to help yourself. It makes sense that these people are basically alone in the afterlife since this is what they like best – themselves.
If they were to check out heaven, these people in their afterlife, they would dislike it and would prefer to return to their own version of hell. This I can live with and accept. Now the question of why eternally.
I would like to make one point here. Is that your yesterday lives eternally. It exists – it did not disappear. It exists like a piece of garden that really can be visited and affected to some degree. Perhaps that garden bears fruit and the person who created it must live off that fruit eternally – in their afterlife.
Finally, if you read my blog, you know that I was claiming to be the future Antichrist in a future life.
I believe that my eternity will start after the Antichrist’s removal from the world, as foretold in Revelation.
Later
I caught myself thinking this thought at some later point: a person will go through all the densities even if they are in hell. And then it occurred to me that this is what Ra stated that all consciousnesses will experience all the densities.
I have not figured how to reconcile all the teachings out, but I am hopeful of my eternity.
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